Preparing for Postpartum

It's been quiet here these past couple of weeks. Not only is our family in the midst of the hustle and bustle of Advent while simultaneously fighting off bug after bug with everyone else, we're also preparing for baby number four's arrival.

When I reflect on our past three pregnancies, it's striking how much time I spent focused on preparing for labor & delivery versus postpartum. I 100% don't beat myself up for this: it makes sense that as a first-time mom--and with our second pregnancy as a first-time home-birther--I gave so much energy to researching birth. Though nothing about birth was technically "new" to us by our third, we had a wealth of new life experiences that needed our attention: living in a 500 square foot travel trailer with grey tank issues, preparing to move states six weeks postpartum, and facing the challenge that is three children in under three years. We didn't have the space to think about rest after birthing.

I'm happy to report that this time around has felt drastically different. I know now how my body *tends* to birth, the mental game that is unmedicated labor, and my ideals for the experience. I also know that every birth & baby is different and you can only prepare so much; the rest is in The Lord's hands. With this more laidback approach to birth, I've felt a lot more freedom to research the fourth trimester...and ya'll, I feel like I've learned SO much!

With previous babies I assumed my postpartum experience was largely out of my hands. And, in some ways, it is; we can only control so much. Because birth is unpredictable, who knows how you'll feel physically and emotionally after the delivery. And, who knows if you'll experience baby blues or any mood disorders. That being said, my research this pregnancy has helped me feel tremendously more empowered to build a framework for the fourth trimester for baby and me.

Before I dive into what I'll be doing this time around to prepare, I'd like to make note of what my previous postpartum experiences looked like. I have experienced severe baby blues with two out of three of my boys. I have also experienced postpartum anxiety with all three. Acknowledging this personal trend has played a huge role in my preparations this time around. While I do hope to not experience PPA again, I'm fully aware how common it is to have recurrent mood disorders postpartum. I want tools in my belt so that if/when these old friends greet me, I'm better equipped to beat the crap out of them. Hah.

Without further ado, here are six things I'm doing to prepare for my fourth postpartum experience:

1. 5-5-5

Our western culture loves and praises productivity. We love it when moms "bounce back," don't we? As a mom who has been on the receiving end of such compliments, I know how good it feels for people to celebrate how quickly I'm "up and at it," back in my pre-baby jeans, and back in ministries serving others.

As if growing, birthing, and feeding a new tiny human isn't enough, we've allowed our new-mom selves to fulfill unrealistic and unhelpful expectations. I know firsthand the physical and emotional damage that can result from not adequately resting after birth. This time around, I simply want nothing to do with those lofty expectations (others' and my own).

Part of me feels like my new perspective on rest comes from a place maturity; part of me feels like it's simply a matter of how full my life is as a homeschooling mother of four. Regardless of the cause, I have nothing to prove this time around. I'm perfectly content being in bed for weeks, listening to what my body needs, and asking for help.

5-5-5 is a framework for postpartum that I aim to stick to once baby four arrives: 5 days entirely in bed, 5 days in or around the bed, 5 days near the bed. That's 15 days of serious rest, and I'm absolutely ok with it & looking forward to it!

We know that we will most likely have to leave the home during the first 15 days for procedures and such. This 5-5-5- framework will help prioritize resting around those mandatory trips and will also--I expect--make getting out of the house feel less overwhelming when the time comes.

If you're familiar with the midwifery model of care, 5-5-5 is nothing new; and yet, it's taken me four kids to take it to heart. In an effort to prioritize rest and bonding, I've intentionally worked everything else around this blueprint.

2. Meal Prepping

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I've never meal prepped for the weeks after baby, haha. It's just SO practical!

In the past, we've either relied on meal trains and/or been in seasons where we had to eat whatever we could get. There was neither room nor money to prepare. This time I'm happy to report that our means and freezer space have changed enough to allow us to prep ahead of time.

A month ago I read The First Forty Days and my entire perspective towards postpartum nutrition was transformed. Seriously, if you haven't read it, grab it now. It's such a helpful tool with forming a healthy mindset and preparing practical recipes. Shortly after finishing the book, we bought a medium-sized deep freezer for our basement and I grabbed some meal prepping materials.

Not only are we meal prepping for the first time, we are also focusing on real, whole ingredients for nutrient dense meals. Think bone broths, hearty stews & soups, pre-made large-batch breakfasts, and protein rich snacks. In addition to the book, about a year ago I had the pleasure of working with a nutrition coach and that wildly changed how we eat and meal plan in our home.

I now know from experience that good food really does make a difference so this time I'm doing what I can to ensure that we are well fed.

3. Visitors

If you haven't had a baby in recent years, or you're extroverted, this is going to sound selfish (I'm okay with that; you just might not be, haha). I don't actually enjoy having visitors the first couple of weeks postpartum. I'm introverted, too fussed over aesthetics, and a people pleaser--I know this about myself. Unless we're close enough that you can see me in my real postpartum glory (think milk stains; stanky body odor; and a hot, emotional mess), then we should probably wait a few weeks before you meet baby. If you're looking for baby snuggles and a put-together host, we should probably wait months.

Look, if there's any time to be selfish it's when you just pushed a human out. I have finally--four kids in--found peace with this. I get that guests want to see the baby, not necessarily the mom, but we're a packaged deal during the fourth trimester and I want to be intentional about our well being.

Here's what we will be doing differently as far as guests go:

We are blessed to have a generous community and will have a meal train like we had previously in California. However, this time I'm requesting it doesn't begin until a week after birth and that meals be porch drop off. I know how quick I am to play host when I should really be in bed, so I'm forcing myself to stay snuggled up with our sweet babe.

As far as guests during the first two weeks go, I've told my husband that if it wouldn't be awkward for them to sit on the end of our bed while I'm in pjs and most likely nursing, then they're welcome to visit. Otherwise, they'll need to be patient. This goes for out of town guests too: we've asked family (who mostly live out of state or the country) to wait until at least two weeks after the birth before they visit.

I know this is easier said then done, especially when family is local, but I highly recommend establishing boundaries for guests with your spouse before baby arrives. And everyone is different! I do think physically resting is vital to recovery, but I also get that some new moms love company and sharing their new baby with others. What's important is that you're able to prioritize yours and baby's well being and that you're giving yourself space to listen to your body.

4. Supplements & Herbs

Utilizing supplements to support the postpartum mother is entirely new to me. Historically, I've been terrible about taking my prenatal after birth. As simple as it is to take a couple of gummies, it's always felt like one additional, burdensome thing to do.

As I've researched postpartum recovery though, I've discovered how quickly nutrient deficiencies can lead to additional problems. Did you know that low iron levels can contribute to baby blues and, later, mood disorders? Maybe that's obvious but, to me, it was mind blowing. I had no idea how beneficial an intentional diet and supplements could be.

Most of what I'll be taking was recommended by Beautiful One Midwifery. If you're looking to do your own research into supplements, I highly recommend their blog and podcast.

Here's my supplement line-up:

-Beef Liver: Anyone else hate how iron pills make you feel? I've been slightly anemic during the third trimester but cannot stand iron supplements. Instead, I've been focusing on incorporating more iron into my diet and taking beef liver capsules. I haven't experienced any of the side effects from the beef liver that I normally experience with iron supplements so this is a huge win in my book! I'll continue to take these postpartum when anemia is extremely common due to blood loss.

-Postnatal Omega 3's: I've never taken these before but I'm interested to see what they bring to the table. Beautiful One Midwifery recommends them specifically for mood support.

-Prenatal Gummies: Yes, I will take my prenatal after birth this time! Shocker haha. Did you know it's recommended that moms take prenatals for at least six months postpartum?

-Milk Moon Restorative Tonic: You know I love my herbs. Call me a hippy but I have multiple mom friends who have loved the benefits of this restorative tonic for mood support.

-Postpartum Herb Bath: After our second was born, my midwife gifted me an herb bath and my was it glorious. This time I batch prepped multiple herb baths following this recipe. I did, however, switch out the epsom salts for magnesium flakes to help my body absorb the magnesium easier & faster (magnesium sulfate vs. magnesium chloride).

5. Therapy

I've had the pleasure of being in therapy with a christian, licensed therapist for over 1.5 years now and I have absolutely loved it. If we're friends in real life, you've probably heard me rave about my therapist and experience. He's amazing and I absolutely wish I had pursued therapy years ago. I've always believed in, and recommended, therapy for others but it took me years to find a good fit and stick with it.

When I began planning out our fourth trimester, continuing therapy was a no brainer. Not only is therapy a vital resource postpartum, I'm excited that we have the foundation of 1.5 years to work off of. We've intentionally spent the past couple of months discussing my previous births and postpartum experiences to further help gear us up for future sessions.

If you're pregnant and interested in therapy, I'd recommend starting now to ensure your therapist is a good fit and give yourself space to establish a foundation before baby is born. And, if you're local and looking for licensed therapists that are believers (unicorns!), reach out--I'd love to give you more information.

6. Medication

Once I started therapy and was encouraged to see a doctor, it became apparent that I had in fact suffered from postpartum anxiety. And--surprise surprise--I was still experiencing anxiety even though my baby was around two years old. After some convincing, I started taking a low dose of Zoloft--an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication.

Similar to therapy, I have always advocated for others to utilize medication when it's necessary for mental health; however, when it came to my own well-being, I refused for years. While there are multiple reasons I was hesitant, and I do prioritize other avenues of well-being before resorting to medication, I was startled by how helpful Zoloft was and glad I finally allowed myself to receive the help I needed. The added boost from medication to get through each day with less invasive thoughts, anxiety-induced exhaustion, and constant simmering anger, enabled me to put in the hard work of healing and moving forward.

Medication for mental health has always been a touchy subject, especially in some christian communities, but I know I've always been greatly encouraged by others' transparency. I have taken Zoloft and it has helped me tremendously. If you're struggling, know that choosing medication isn't giving up--just like any other resource, it's yet another aid in fighting back against an often debilitating illness.

I stopped my prescription right around the time we conceived this baby but I'm willing to go back on it if any mood disorders aren't kept at bay. I'm also grateful to know how I respond to anti-anxiety medication since that was such an ominous mystery previously postpartum. While medication isn't my number one go-to, it definitely deserves a spot in this list of preparations.

So there you have it, those are the six ways I'm preparing for my fourth postpartum experience. Intentional but open-handed. Hopeful but tempered.

If you've prepared for the fourth trimester before, I'd love to hear what you found most helpful! Give me all the tips, recipes, and encouragement. And, if you're a first time mom or--like me--simply planning out your postpartum for the first time, I hope you feel encouraged to contemplate and establish a framework that works best for you and your family.